After attacks on his castle by a mob of peasants wielding torches and pitchforks, the Count is declared an innocent victim in the Gothic splendours of the Transylvanian High Court.
The film reaches a sickening climax as the Count tells assembled journalists that it had never been his intention to stifle the freedom of the press to report goings on at the castle, and reports to the contrary were all lies and spin.
"My reputation has been restored, and suggestions that I have sunk my fangs into the virginal flesh of the local press are baseless."
The Count added that he was considering donating his winnings to a worthwhile cause, such as bat conservation or a blood bank.
In the final scene the Count reminds the press and public that garlic and crucifixes are banned from the castle chamber before he heads off to the crypt for a well-deserved rest after what he said had been "a most stressful" time.
Dracula Returns will be showing at the Odeon until further notice. Probably for ever.
|The Count gives an interview to a local hack