Thursday, 6 September 2012

The Best of All Possible Worlds

Apologies to those of you who could not see the bottom part of this post. There was a formatting problem which I hope has now been cured.

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Caebrwyn has taken a look at the agenda for the upcoming meeting of Carmarthenshire's "Community" Scrutiny Committee, which covers the council's regeneration and leisure activities. The agenda comes with a small truckload of documentation, much of which is stuffed with figures, and if the committee did what it says on the tin, there would be enough work here to keep them going until the next council elections.

Before we get too excited, however, it is worth remembering that in Carmarthenshire reality and what it says on the tin are often worlds apart. And just in case the Committee gets too big for its boots, the recently amended constitution removed what few teeth were left to the council's various scrutiny committees.

Let's just pick a few areas at random, beginning with the leisure and sports centres.

Llanelli residents might be dismayed to hear that their lesiure centre is on course to lose £769,000 this year (this excludes the Fusion fitness club). They might be even more surprised to hear that the Carmarthen Leisure Centre is heading for a loss of £901,000 this year.

By a fluke of arithmetic, the Carmarthen centre is costing us as much as the centres in Newcastle Emlyn, St Clears, the Gwendraeth Sports Centre, Coedcae Sports Hall, Amman Valley Swimming Pool, Brynaman Swimming Pool, Llandovery Swimming Pool and the Bro Myrddin and Dinefwr bowling centres put together.

That's quite an achievement, and worthy of a bit of scrutiny.

Garnant Golf Course (now under private management) is down to cost us £89,000.

There are lots of big numbers under the Regeneration headings, but no explanations. "Marketing Tourism Development" at £531,000 might repay a look, as might the bland sounding "Support Services Economic Development", costing us £841,000.

Under a very badly formatted report on Capital Budget Monitoring lots of exciting projects make an appearance, including our old friend Towy Community Church bowling alley (£280,000 - target date for completion: ongoing). That's before we hit all of the major regeneration projects in Llanelli, Ammanford and Cross Hands.

The real blockbuster, however, is the report entitled "Annual Report 2011-12 and Improvement Plan 2012-13)". Unlike most of the other reports up for scrutiny, this one contains lots of words (and therefore spin).

The introduction gives us a flavour of what is to come, with pictures of the chief executive (man in suit with big grin) and Council Leader Kevin Madge. Kev is demoted to second fiddle under Mr James, and due to an unfortunate publishing gremlin, he looks like Coco the Clown. Let's hope that was not deliberate.



Anyone wishing to read on will need a strong stomach. Before we can get very much further, up pops a quote from the Wales Audit Office, that well known fearless body which is supposed to safeguard the public interest. "Extensive and detailed.....generally fair and balanced.....thorough and honest" is what they said in their rave review of last year's annual report, apparently. Pity about the word "generally". As for honest, we'll see about that in a moment.

On and on we go. Someone has learned how to use Clipart, because little cut 'n' paste pictures pop up to help us. "Key Improvement Objective Priorities" has a picture of a key, just in case we were struggling with the concept of a key.

Next we have a pie chart showing, allegedly, how satisfied we are with our council. 82% were satsfied, and only 7% were dissatisfied, and Carmarthenshire believes it is above the average.for England as well as Wales. We are not told what questions were asked. An 82% rating is not bad, though, and is probably on a par with the ratings enjoyed by Vladimir Putin and President Assad.

Unfortunately, the report, admits, comparative data is a bit thin on the ground. Otherwise we would probably have been told that our council is best and most loved in the world.


Caebrwyn also fished out some interesting new statistics from the Welsh Government's Data Unit:

After 8 years (and £££s) of the Modernising Education Programme, only 25% of Carmarthenshire schools are deemed 'fit for purpose' - only a 1% increase since last year.

Welsh local authority comparison data published today shows Carmarthenshire 3rd from bottom for road maintenance, 2nd from bottom for reviewing Care Plans, 3rd from bottom for adult carer assessment. Also in the 'red band' for failing to provide residential stability for children in care and for failing to provide SEN statements within the 26 week target.


Perhaps we are just pathetically grateful for anything.

Page after page after page of claims and questionable statistics follow. In every single one of a string of strategic "Outcome Areas", including helping people to live independent lives, helping local businesses to thrive, ensuring that children enjoy the best possible health, contributing to climate change mitigation and effective asset management, the Council scored a bull's eye and was awarded bonus points.


In some areas where the council's record is particularly bad, it produces sweeping statements with little or no evidence, such as,"The Welsh Language Partnership has continued to improve during 2011/12 and the provision of Welsh medium services and opportunities covers all areas of the county". It depends what you mean by "cover".

Just so that we all get the message, the report goes into big, bold bright red type to scream,

Carmarthenshire has a stronger and
more prosperous economy

In case you missed that, the report shouts the same message a bit further down the page for a second time. If you don't believe that, you are probably in the 7% of malcontents.

Perhaps the Scrutiny Committee is better placed to decide whether all of these claims and statistics are true, but for most ordinary mortals it is impossible to verify what we are being told. There are, however, one or two statements which are quite easy to check.

Here's one:

The decision by the Council to take a lease on the former Technium site at Dafen is paying dividends with around 16,000 sq.ft of first class office space being let to businesses operating within the knowledge economy, creating high quality sustainable employment opportunities. 

The Beacon website (Beacon being the rebranded name for Technium) shows that currently 8,500 square feet of space has been let to businesses, with a further 4,000 square feet being occupied by Coleg Sir Gar and various other public agencies.

Let's hope the Scrutiny Committee finds time to check out all of the other "facts".

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Un o bob tri - dementia, henoed ac iaith

Dw i wedi bod yn dilyn y gyfres Y Pla Newydd gan Beti George ar y radio, a darlledwyd rhaglen arall am y clefyd creulon hwn ar S4C o dan y teitl Un o bob tri nos Sul ddiwethaf. Er mai testun trist ac anodd yw hwn, mae gan Beti neges bositif.

Fel mae'n digwydd, bu'n rhaid i mi fynd i Loegr yr wythnos diwetha' i gyflwyno prosiect newydd mewn cartrefi henoed, a chefais gyfle i siarad â'r staff a'r preswylwyr. Cartrefi moethus a drud iawn oedd dau ohonyn nhw, tra bod canran uchel o bobl â dementia ac alzheimers yn y lleill. A nhwthau'n ddrud iawn siŵr o fod.

Cefais fy magu mewn teulu estynedig oedd yn llawn hen bobl, a bu'r rhan fwyaf ohonyn nhw fyw i fod yn hen iawn. Bu farw fy mam-gu yn 98 oed, a'i dwy chwaer yn 96. Hyd y gwn i, doedd yr un yn dioddef gan dementia, er bod un o'r modrybedd yn ddryslyd ar y diwedd.

Mae Dad yn byw "gyda Mr Parkinson", fel mae e'n dweud, ers 20 mlynedd, ac mae e mor bengaled a styfnig. Er gwaetha'r problemau, mae Mam yn meddwl eu bod nhw'n ffodus iawn o'u cymharu â chymaint o bobl eraill.

Beth darodd fi yn y cartrefi preswyl oedd tynged lleiafrif o bobl nad oedd yn ymddangos bod â dementia. Roedden nhw'n hen ac yn eiddil, mae'n wir, ond fel arall heb unrhyw broblem iechyd meddwl hyd y gwelais i. Maen nhw'n gorfod rhannu eu bywydau gyda phobl sy'n sâl iawn - y rhai sy'n eistedd yn ddistaw, heb allu siarad nac ymateb i ddim, a'r rhai sy'n swnllyd ac yn ddryslyd.

Gwylltiodd rhywun wrth fwyta banana a dechrau llefain. "Gola-gola-gola-gola," meddai trwy'r amser.

"We've got a few escape artists here", meddai un o'r gofalwyr.

Mae'r staff yn gwneud eu gorau glas, ac maen nhw'n trefnu gweithgareddau ac adloniant i'r preswylwyr. Dyw hynny ddim yn digwydd ymhobman, ac dyw pethau ddim yn well yng Nghymru. Mae diffyg o weithgareddau ac adloniant yn un o'r beirniadaethau amlycaf yn adroddiadau CSSIW, y corff sy'n gyfrifol am arolygu cartrefi preswyl yng Nghymru.

Wrth reswm, mae trefnu gweithgareddau i grwpiau mawr o bobl mewn gwahanol gyfnodau'r clefyd yn hynod o anodd, ac un o negeseuon Beti George oedd pwysigrwydd cymdeithasu mewn grwpiau bach. Gan fod adnoddau'n mynd yn brinach, mae'n bwysicach oll cael rhagor o wirfoddolwyr sy'n fodlon treulio awr neu ddwy gyda'n hen ffrindiau.

Does dim angen lot, dim ond dal llaw rhywun, gwenu, dangos lluniau (blodau, anifeiliaid ac ati), neu ganu. Mae bron pawb yn gwerthfawrogi cerddoriaeth, hyd yn oed y rhai sy wedi cyrraedd cyfnodau hwyr y clefyd.

Wrth i bobl golli eu hannibyniaeth a'u byd yn mynd yn llai, mae iaith yn dod yn bwysicach iddyn nhw, yn enwedig i'r rhai sy'n siarad Cymraeg mewn cartrefi preswyl lle nad yw pawb yn gallu siarad yr iaith. Sylwodd Beti George fod pawb yn gwenu wrth glywed iaith eu plentyndod. Mae wyneb cyfeillgar, gwên a geiriau cyfarwydd yn golygu cymaint i'r bobl hyn.

Dyna anrheg nad yw'n costio dim.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Arrested development

Thanks to a link on Twitter, my attention was drawn the other day to an article on Click on Wales with the provocative headline "The arrested development of Welsh". You can read it for yourselves here.

The author of the piece, Colin Miles, has tried and given up trying to learn Welsh as an adult, although he lives in a strongly Welsh-speaking part of Wales. Fair enough, although I hope he reconsiders.

He wishes the language well, but the article goes on to peddle several myths which are common and which need to be challenged.


1. Welsh is inherently difficult with its "mutations, myriads of yeses and noes, innumerable ways of forming plurals, and overabundance of apostrophes".

All languages have their peculiarities, English included. Quite a few European languages have several (not innumerable) ways of forming plurals. German, Italian and Swedish, for example. In English you say children rather than childs. Languages are like that. Over time bits of language cling like barnacles to the hull of a ship while others are washed away, seemingly at random. Speakers of German, Italian, Welsh and Swedish don't even notice, and neither will learners of those languages after a while. That's just how it is.

And if you get it wrong, it doesn't matter. How many times have you heard young children saying mouses or mans? It happens, and we all understand what they mean, although we might gently correct the mistake.

The truth is that nearly all of the lovely twiddly bits which learners struggle with are not actually necessary to communication. If I say we was or even we beed it may not sound great, but you know exactly what I mean.

There is a group of languages called creoles and pidgins which do this as a matter of course. They strip all of the accumulated twiddly bits off languages like English and French, graft on vocabulary and bits of structure from other languages and set off on their own voyages as new languages. Over time they too will pick up barnacles. Afrikaans is an example of this.

The many different ways of saying yes and no are a peculiarity of the Celtic languages. But you can cheat, and just as you will come to find it natural to say dyddiau and blynyddoedd, in time you will find that you will stop saying ydw when you mean ydy. And you will not be arrested by the uniformed branch of Cylch yr Iaith if you get it wrong.


As for the mutations, a well kept secret (kept by Welsh teachers) is that Welsh speakers don't mutate correctly all the time or even most of the time. By which I mean that people don't mutate everything as laid out in the grammar books. If Welsh speakers had to put £1 in the mutation box every time they broke the rules, Welsh really would be heading for extinction. Within a month probably.

But while people break the rules, they mutate nevertheless. Ask the average Welsh speaker (including quite a few teachers I know) why most people say ges i sioc rather than ces i sioc, and it is very unlikely that they will know. They just do. So go with the flow and copy them.

We will come back to copying.

As for apostrophes, you don't need them to speak Welsh. Lots of Welsh speakers struggle with ar, a'r and â'r when they are writing, just as English greengrocers struggle with apple's. Don't worry about it. It's a bit like the Highway Code. We are supposed to know it inside out before we get behind the wheel of a car, but how many of us do?

A German professor and a German dustman both speak the same language, although the professor is likely to be rather niftier in his use of the subjunctive. But you will not come across a German dustman who says, "Sod all these subjunctives and genitives for a game of soldiers; I'm switching to English or Spanish because they are easier". And our hypothetical dustman should be warned that Spanish, often claimed to be the easiest European language to learn, has a hyperactive subjunctive (and quite a lot of irregular verbs to boot).

In everyday Welsh there are just 5 irregular verbs. English has more than 200, by the way. The subjunctive lingers on in both languages as twiddly bits, but if you don't know what the subjunctive is, I shouldn't worry about it if I were you. What a smart arse.

So are some languages "easier" than others? Well, up to a point. Polish has loads of twiddly bits, but for most of the languages spoken in Europe, including Welsh, it's a case of swings and roundabouts.

Staying with our professors and dustmen for a moment, it is probably fair to say that the professors will score higher in IQ tests (although listening to some academics, I am not so sure). But Polish dustmen have no problem with Polish, and in this part of Wales we have bilingual dustmen. So unless we have some particularly brainy dustmen, being able to speak more than one language is not about being super-intelligent, and there are lots of English university dons who have never mastered another language.

Next time you hear someone say that Welsh is a "difficult" language, try not to punch them. But I will forgive you if you do.

2. "Reading a 1950s history of a Welsh chapel is a bit like trying to read Chaucerian English".

Resisting the temptation to shout "Bollocks!", let's just say that Welsh differs from English in that it has a high degree of differentiation between registers. In plain English that means that there are degrees of formality in Welsh which are more marked than they are in English, from the sort of language used in poetry at one end, to the sort of language used in the pub at the other.

This happens in other languages too. In Switzerland the sort of German that people speak is very different to the sort of German they read in a newspaper. The same is true in Luxembourg. In Greece there are two distinct forms of the modern language (a posh, sophisticated one and the kind that people actually speak), but that all got a bit political, and the dictatorship of the Colonels pretty much did for Katharevousa.

It is true that nobody actually speaks the very formal variety of Welsh when they nip into Tescos, but it is nevertheless alive and well, especially in poetry and some prose writing. And its use is not confined to a handful of craggy old bards. There is a very lively poetry scene with lots of very talented young poets who use literary forms and all the intricate rules governing poetic form, metre and cynghanedd. Here's one about a bidet (Rhybudd: iaith gref).It contains some rather colourful language, and if you listen carefully, you will even hear the poet mutate his bidet.

As for that bit about Welsh not liking borrowed words, the Welsh for bidet is, um, bidet. Our poet also uses the word anws, the Welsh spelling of a Latin word borrowed by English as well.

See what you're missing?

All living languages have changed since the 1950s, and all living languages continue to change. It's what they do. But Welsh from the 1950s is not anywhere near as remote from the language today as Chaucer's English is from modern Estuarine English. If you want to see how much English has changed in the last 60 years, just watch an old film like Brief Encounter.

3. "Let me mention a couple of the strengths of English, both of which cause problems for other languages like Welsh. Firstly it has an absolutely enormous vocabulary".

Colin's second strength is the borrowing words from other languages bit, but there is an argument that English has probably borrowed more than is good for it. Vast numbers of Latinate words have entered the language, and in many cases they have killed off or stifled the development of native English words. The result is that the language has a high number of words for everyday things and concepts which, to the casual English speaker without a degree in the Classics, are little more than random arrangements of letters and sounds.

It is quite possible that this obsession with Latinate borrowings has had the effect of reducing the size of the active vocabularies of many native English speakers. A quick glance at the Sun will confirm that.

Let's take an example of an everyday word. The English word important comes from the Latin importare, meaning "to bring in". By extension, this came to mean "signify" (the import of her message was, etc.). All a bit obscure.

The Welsh word is pwysig, and coincidentally the German word is wichtig, both of which could be roughly translated as "weighty". The idea is that important things carry more weight than unimportant things.

All of which is a useful illustration of how different languages "see" some things differently. In this example, the English are peering through thick fog.


It is true that the Oxford English Dictionary is vast, and that Anglophiles love to claim that English has more words than any other language.

The truth is, of course, that a large proportion of the words in the OED is obscure or obsolete. That is what made the old panel game Call My Bluff possible. It would also be possible to play a Welsh equivalent using Geiriadur Prifysgol Cymru, incidentally.

Studies have been carried out to try to estimate the numbers of words in regular use in different languages and to measure the vocabulary of an average speaker (if there is such a thing) of German, English, French, Welsh, etc.

The boring truth is that there is not a great deal of difference from one language to another in Europe, where cultures, climates, etc. are broadly similar .

Certainly English has its strengths in some areas of vocabulary, but there are quite a few instances where Welsh has several words at its disposal, and English has just one. And glaw (rain) is not one of them. Welsh has some neat words, such as oeri (to turn colder), where English has to use several. Swedish also has some very useful everyday words, such as orka (to have the strength to do something) and hinna (to have time to do something).

The Welsh word for 'night' is nos. You can turn that into a verb, nosi. English really struggles with this simple concept. If you say night has fallen or it is becoming night, you risk sounding like Dylan Thomas on a bad day.

Different languages obsess about different things, and the result is that many are capable of differentiating shades of meaning which English, for example, would really struggle with. Swedish insists on having two different words for "his", so that we know whether "he saw his mother" means that he saw his own or somebody else's mother. This lack of clarity in English is a godsend to writers of sitcoms, but being able to tell the difference is probably what makes Wallander such a good detective.

"He shot his dog, Inspector". An English-speaking cop could easily leap to the wrong conclusion, but Wallander wouldn't.

Perhaps that's why the English version with Kenneth Branagh just doesn't quite hack it.

So English is certainly a powerful and interesting language, but it is not superior to any other.

4. "One of the problems the Welsh language has faced over the past 150 years could best be described as ‘arrested development’. By that I mean it hasn’t had the chance to ‘modernise’ itself."

A problem common to many minority languages which lacked official status for so long is what is known in the jargon as "domain loss". Volumes have been written about this, but one example will suffice.

The country now known as Slovenia was under Austrian rule for hundreds of years, and German was the language of officialdom and the courts. Now Slovenia (population 2 million) is independent, and the civil service, the courts and all other areas of public life get by in Slovenian with no problem at all.

Next!

5. "Some people are just good at languages". "Children have a natural advantage when it comes to learning a language".

Not quite myths, but not completely true either.


Remember our bilingual dustmen? As it happens I know a couple of our local boys quite well. Neither of them would claim for a moment that they are intellectually gifted or good at languages. But they can hold their own in English and Welsh without any difficulty.

It is true that some people have a gift, but that is actually quite rare. Just as it is quite rare to find people who can play music by ear on lots of different instruments.

It is also true that people who have learned a second language find it easier to learn a third, fourth, and so on.

For most of us, however, learning a language means applying yourself and a bit of hard graft. You can expect to have quite a bit of fun along the way as well.

Language development in children is another subject that is beyond the scope of a blogpost, but it is true that children have some advantages in language acquisition. But only some.

How long does it take a child to acquire a good command of its native language? How long is a piece of string? A child of six can communicate effectively certainly, but children of six still have a long way to go before they have acquired all of the vocabulary and mastered the trickier bits of the language that they will need to function as adults.

The time taken will vary from child to child, and lots of external factors come into play. But for most of us language acquisition is still going on when we are in our mid to late teens. For an adult starting Welsh from scratch, you will certainly not need 15 years before you can communicate effectively.

Unlike babies and toddlers, adult learners can usually also read and write. That is certainly an advantage.

Unlike children, adult learners already have a handle on abstract concepts. You might teach a two year old to parrot words like intelligent, idea, decision, circumstantial but they would not normally have the faintest clue what these things meant.

So for once nature goes some way to creating a more level playing field. The kids have not got all the trump cards.

If you're reading this, Colin, I hope you might by now be wondering about giving it another try. If you do, here are a few tips.


So how do I learn Welsh (or any new language)?

  • Motivation. What is your motivation for wanting to learn? Would you like to understand what Rhys Iorwerth was saying about his bidet perhaps? Or do you just want to be able to pass the time of day with Mrs Jones, Rhif 1? If you cannot think of a reason for wanting to learn, give up now. If you can (and there are lots and lots of reasons), set yourself a goal. "I will have a short conversation in Welsh with Mrs Jones, mentioning the weather and asking about that no-good son of hers by Christmas". For example.
  • Be nosey. This is about motivation really, but eavesdrop on conversations in the shop/pub/cattle market if you live in an area with lots of Welsh speakers. You will fairly quickly begin to understand bits, and over time you will understand more and more. You want to understand what people are saying, and you want to know why they said it like that. Be subtle about this, and don't get yourself arrested for stalking or punched by Mrs Jones in Aldi.
  • Copy people you hear in the shops, on the radio or on S4C. But as with the previous point, be discreet. If you have picked up a phrase, repeat it to yourself over and over again, trying to mimic the accent and pronunciation.
  • In the privacy of your downstairs loo or your car practice some of the trickier sounds. Try rolling your r's, and try rolling them for longer and longer. Eventually you will beat your reluctant English tongue into submission, and it will trill on command. Do the same with tricky sounds like chi, llall, rhos, ar yr un pryd.
  • If you are not lucky enough to live in a Welsh-speaking household, immersion therapy is still possible. Switch on Radio Cymru, and have Daf Du and Caryl Parry Jones twittering away in the background. Soon you will be able to pick out odd words. Eventually you will recognise bits of sentences. Gradually their stimulating chat will come into full technicolor focus. At which point you are allowed to turn the radio off.
  • Drive your partner and/or family wild by switching over to S4C at every opportunity. Take up ironing, and watch Pobol y Cwm. Watch Dai Jones Llanilar with the English subtitles, but when you feel confident use only the Welsh subtitles. Look, no stabilisers!
  • Some of the best conversations we have are with ourselves. Much more interesting, as often as not. Try this in Welsh. Keep asking yourself how you would say the sort of thing you might want to say in a conversation. Work out how to say it, and then have that imaginary conversation. "Fancy a cup of Horlicks and a cuddle, Mrs Jones? It's freezing out tonight". That sort of thing.
  • You will make mistakes. Years ago Cneifiwr was staying with a respectable Swedish family. One day he wanted to help tidy up, so he asked Mrs Johansson, "Where do you keep the lady sucker?" The word he had been groping for was dammsugare (dust sucker = vacuum cleaner). Unfortunately he missed out one of the m's. These things happen. Mrs Cneifiwr told Old Mother Cneifiwr that her son was a dickhead. Mrs C is German, and Dickkopf is what someone has if they are stubborn (a fat head). Mother Cneifiwr was perhaps a little too understanding, and needless to say many people think Mrs C was right the first time round.
  • Remember that most Welsh speakers are actually quite nice, and no matter how badly you mangle the language, they will almost certainly understand. You may be unlucky and find the odd Dickkopf. If you have just started learning, there is nothing wrong with starting out in Welsh and exchanging pleasantries before switching to English. Perhaps once you have passed the Horlicks and cuddle stage you may feel tempted to go all the way. And why not?
And there's lots more where that came from. Another time, perhaps.

So Colin, stop making excuses ("it's too hard; there are too many ways of saying yes; I don't like the nasal mutation, etc.). If you don't learn, it's only your development that will be arrested.

More Top Grrrr


Thanks to a recent freedom of information request, we now have details of the fleet of 577 vehicles owned by or leased to Carmarthenshire County Council. The information is provided in spreadsheet format, and so unless you are an accountant, it is not very exciting to look at.

But look closely, and you will see tucked among all the vans, battalions of diesel guzzling 4x4 pick-ups and refuse trucks quite a lot of smart cars.

The council does not appear to have a fixed purchasing policy when it comes to sourcing its vans and other commercial vehicles (let alone saloon cars), but buys or leases Fords, Vauxhalls, Mercedes, Peugeot and quite a few other makes. Getting value for money by concentrating on one or two suppliers and hammering out the best deal does not seem to be a priority.

When it comes to cars, we have quite a range to choose from, including several Mercs (naturally), a Jaguar, VWs, Skodas (rather than the near identical but cheaper SEAT), Fords, etc. A good many of these would appear to be destined for senior officers under a leasing scheme.

Here for all you petrol heads is a selection of the vehicles on offer culled from the spreadsheet.

Cneifiwr Clarkson
































Monday, 3 September 2012

Car Park Magic

Cneifiwr is not a financial adviser, but a regular reader wrote in recently on behalf of a "friend" with the following question:

My friend is feeling the pinch and needs to sell something to raise quite a lot of cash, ideally something in seven figures. Unfortunately, my friend has no assets to speak of. What do you suggest? Mrs E., Llanelli

A tricky problem indeed, Mrs E., but news reaches me of some truly amazing financial magic which is in the pipeline down in Llanelli. As always with anything that sounds too good to be true, special terms and conditions apply, but I hope this may be of some help.

Scarlets Regional Ltd has told us in its accounts for each of the last two years that it is expecting to sell a "significant asset", but has been very coy about what that asset might be. Since the club has very little in the way of assets, local people have been left scratching their heads and wondering which particular rabbit would be pulled out the hat.

According to reports, it seems that the asset in question is one of the club's car parks, or rather a car park leased to the club by Carmarthenshire County Council. Leased at a peppercorn rent to the club for 150 years.

Back in May the council's chief executive told the Western Mail that the land on which the stadium, car parks, etc. stand had "no value" until the council decided to develop it for the club, and we can probably safely assume that this highly unusual phenomenon of worthless urban land would have been part of the rationale for a generous lease.

After all, if the land wasn't worth anything prior to development, it hardly made sense to demand a commercial rate for a leasehold on the same land with a thin covering of tarmac, now did it? Moreover, the car park would be needed to accommodate the tidal wave of visitors who would be crucial to the predicted economic boom brought about by the new stadium.

And as Mr James told the Western Mail earlier this summer, even if the whole shebang went bust, the council still owned the freehold and could redevelop the site as something else.

Redeveloped as what would have been an interesting question. Empty office space? Yet another shopping centre? Another leisure facility run by Christian evangelicals, perhaps modelled on the Colisseum but this time with critics and doubters being thrown to the lions?

There is much to be said in favour of the Colisseum option, since the stadium would not have to be demolished.

According to the reports, a deal is now being hammered out between the club and Marston's plc, the brewery and pub group, under which Marston's would buy the leasehold on the car park and build a mega-pub cum hotel on the site.

There are a couple of minor problems with this, but nothing the council's department of spin will struggle with.

First, the club's strategy for survival is based on enticing more and more visitors to the stadium. Cutting car parking capacity does not really seem consistent with that, somehow.

Second, and more importantly, Llanelli needs more watering holes like polar bears need warmer seas.
Excessive alcohol consumption is a major problem for the town, so much so that the County Council announced in July that it was planning to introduce a Designated Public Places Order on parts of the town to try to curb drunkenness and associated anti-social behaviour.

Third, the new drinking establishment will need planning permission and a licence. But then, that will hardly be a problem at all, will it?

The council will almost certainly be privy to these discussions as owner of the freehold, but while Marston's and the Scarlets may celebrate with a big corporate High Five, council taxpayers will be left with a worthless scrap of paper with "Freehold" written on it, proving Mr James right when he told the Western Mail that the land had no value. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Sadly the chances that the Wales Audit Office will finally grow a pair and remind the council of its duty to put the interests of the people of Carmarthenshire ahead of the shareholders of Scarlets Regional Ltd. are nil.

And as Caebrwyn reports, supporters of Llanelli AFC football club can only look on in envy.

So there you are, Mrs E., that is how to make money from something that was apparently not actually worth anything and that you don't actually own..

Sunday, 2 September 2012

Wales Blog Awards

After a few days away I came back to the blog to discover that it had been nominated for this year's Wales Blog Awards. Thank you to whoever it was that nominated my ravings and, more importantly, thanks to my readers. Your comments are appreciated, even the ones I disagree with.

Mrs C is one of those people who likes watching the endless parade of guff and tears that you get at award ceremonies, and as a miserable old git Cneifiwr invariably finds something better to do when they are on the telly. So this puts me into a bit of a quandary, but what the Wales Blog Awards show is the sheer breadth of  talent we have in Cymru fach.

The shortlist includes blogs I have not come across before, such as the very moving Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night. There are others that have not made it, including some excellent Welsh language blogs, such as Garddiadur, and Tonnau'r Haul i Bethau Lliwgar a Blasus (both on gardening and growing your own food). Another gem is Paned a Chacen, a blog about home baking. There are also some very good newcomers, including West Wales News Review which recently carried three very interesting pieces on market gardening. I also have high hopes for the new, satirical Llygad Ddu.

Ifan Morgan Jones has explained the thinking behind dropping blogs written in Welsh as a separate category, and I will write about that later this week.

In the meantime, please have a look at the list of nominations and cast your votes when the public poll begins. It really doesn't matter who wins, but at least a few votes would show that we are not howling into the wind.




The Librarian's Appliance(s)

Many years ago Cneifiwr supplemented his meagre student grant by working part-time at two libraries in central London for a few months.

Both had mildly eccentric staff, including one young woman who liked to wear a Mao suit and cap to show solidarity with the Gang of Four as they awaited their show trial, but some of the library members were far stranger. One was an elderly man who was acknowledged to be the world's leading authority on Albania, then one of the most secretive and repressive countries on earth. He dressed as an Edwardian gentleman, including spats and a monocle.

The other library specialised in Jewish history, and several of the staff had escaped Nazi persecution as children or teenagers. They included the chief librarian whose rather fierce demeanour hid a heart of pure gold. She was a chain smoker and liked to boast that nothing improved a home-made mayonnaise so much as a bit of fag ash.

One day Cneifiwr was rummaging away in the cellar which housed a treasure trove of first-hand accounts of life in Jewish communities before the Holocaust, as well as some extremely gruesome artefacts donated by benefactors, when one of the library regulars turned up in the ground floor reading room. He was a big man, and for some reason on that day he went berserk and began shouting and throwing books and papers around.

The chief librarian, who was a very delicate looking woman, grabbed him by the collar and ejected him forcefully from the building.

A couple of weeks later he returned and struggled out of a taxi with a huge pile of heavy books. He apologised profusely for his tantrum and handed over the tomes to say sorry. They were a set of dentistry manuals from Nazi Germany, complete with page after page of diagrams depicting what were claimed to be jaws and teeth belonging to different races. Jewish and African jaws were different from Aryan jaws, of course.

This taught an impressionable young Cneifiwr that the experts could not always be trusted.

Working alongside Cneifiwr at both libraries was a young woman from Belfast who went on to become something important in the BBC. As we sifted through the archives we flirted and made jokes about  librarians. Oh the arrogance of youth!

One of our favourite jokes was a device we called the "Librarian's Appliance". This consisted of a pair of NHS spectacles attached to a false hair bun and invisible wires which put dark hairs on the unfortunate wearer's top lip. We were going to patent it and sell it to otherwise attractive women so that they could be transformed instantly into librarians. No need for qualifications or an in-depth understanding of cataloguing systems.

Later in his career, Cneifiwr worked for an international news agency. His boss, who clearly had a sense of humour, decided it would be fun to send the boy off to the library to argue the case for recognising emerging Soviet countries as independent states so that clients could find them more easily on the newswires. The chief librarian was a battleaxe who ruled the department with a rod of iron, and Cneifiwr was clearly onto a losing wicket. Margot, as I shall call her, was very keen on recognising only the Commonwealth of Independent States, and Cneifiwr suspected that she was a Stalinist. She also looked a bit like Rosa Klebb.

Margot in flirtatious mood


After an initial skirmish Margot declared that it was lunchtime, and she invited the boy Cneifiwr out to her club. We were greeted by a very camp Italian waiter, who clearly knew her very well. She picked at her food but downed at least two bottles of Chardonnay before we headed back to the library. Margot was rather unsteady on her feet.

The library staff knew the drill, gently propped the old girl up in her chair and hinted that our meeting was now over. Outside her office they told me that Margot was generally not at her best in the afternoons, and that sometimes she slid out of her chair and slept on the floor. Come home time she was usually sober enough to head off to the pubs in Fleet Street.

Some years later Cneifiwr was visiting a large oil company in Norway, and was due to meet the librarian. A very beautiful blonde woman came into Reception, and our eyes met. We made smalltalk in the lift up to the umpteenth floor, and once in her office, she offered me tea. Just then the phone rang, and it turned out I was in the wrong meeting. Back along the corridor and down to Reception where a tiny and very cross older woman was waiting to meet me.

She was wearing the Librarian's Appliance and gave me one hell of a roasting over an article in which we had revealed that the then King of Norway had been living quietly with his mistress for many years. Although this was common knowledge, it was not done to mention the King's domestic arrangements in print. "You are worse than the gutter press", she told me.

Back in Carmarthenshire, the County Council recently completed a £3.8 million refurbishment of Llanelli Library, but it seems that some of the users are deeply unhappy with the new regime there because changes have been made which would have been unimaginable to Margot and the other librarians of Cneifiwr's youth.

Users of the library were recently surprised and annoyed to find that it has been equipped with what one complainant to the County Council described as "loud speakers, a jukebox and a telly" broadcasting two disparate pieces of music and the BBC news channel simultaneously to members of the public in the reading room.

Responding to the complaint, a council official preferred the term "state of the art facility" to the fuddy duddy word library, and insisted that the widescreen television was in fact an electronic data screen, albeit one which shows television programmes. It had been switched on to ensure that "service users" did not miss coverage of the Olympics, he claimed.

The council is so pleased with its new facility that it intends to roll out this multi-media experience across the county so that we can all enjoy it. You have been warned.

The officer's reply continues:

Various library collections are showcased in this iconic building fit for the 21st Century with state of the art technology complimenting  the traditional library offer, satisfying changing patron desires and expectations, resulting in a community building that suits all. The new Llanelli Library is designed to be a vibrant community space, but at the same time somewhere to meet friends or just sit and relax with a book in one of the quieter areas provided.

Iconic.... state of the art.... community.... facility..... This officer certainly has a career in the council's PR department ahead of him, and the dodgy grammar in the next part of the response to our complainant will not be a problem there:

Not all areas of the library has (sic) sound enabled at the same time, and whilst I appreciate your concerns, staffs (sic) have reported a demand by service users for greater participation; at the same time staff members are able to limit the sound within each section if requested by the majority of users at any given time.

As our complainant pointed out to the council, democracy in Carmarthenshire is a delicate flower at the best of times, so perhaps greater participation should be welcomed. He wondered, however, what form this might take.

Should "service users" vote in a secret ballot to decide whether they wish to hear (a) Smack My Bitch Up by Prodigy, (b) The Flower Duet from Delibes' opera Lakmé, or (c) Dafydd Iwan - Y Goreuon (a bit far-fetched that one)? Or should the vote simply be a show of hands? Who will ensure that there is no voter intimidation, and will there be a returning officer to verify the vote (possibly a new lucrative sideline for our chief executive)? Also would there be a minimum voting age, or would children be asked to wave their Noddy books? 

Life can be so complicated at times, and he is waiting for a reply to his questions.

Saturday, 1 September 2012

Carmarthenshire Top Grrrr

This week Cneifiwr Clarkson looks at travel arrangements for Carmarthenshire councillors.

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One day a couple of years ago Cneifiwr was chewing the cud with a neighbouring farmer. As we compared silage wrap, a mini coach full of bewildered elderly men pulled up into Emyr's yard. Now, Emyr's place is miles from anywhere and about 1,000 feet up, so it can feel bleak and windswept even on a good day.

Slowly the old boys clambered out of the coach.

Emyr speculated that perhaps this was a new council initiative to deal with the growing cost of social care for the elderly. Perhaps they were about to be released into the wild as part of a "survival" course, just as people sometimes dump urban foxes in these parts.

It turned out however that this was the Planning Committee of Carmarthenshire County Council on a site visit, and that they were looking at a plot across the lane on someone else's land.

The mini-coach is used to ferry around groups of councillors on outings such as this.

Backbench councillors have to make do with their own vehicles, and some of these are petty impressive beasts. Until recently it was possible to view summaries of the councillors' expense claims online, and it was clear that some of the older "Independents" have been clocking up astonishing mileages. In the interests of transparency, this information has now been removed. [Update: it has made a sudden reappearance in an abbreviated form].

For smaller groups, the Council maintains a shiny black Ford Galaxy people carrier. Cneifiwr can confirm from personal experience that people carriers are not babe magnets, and that is perhaps why the Council likes to hide it away from the front of County Hall in Carmarthen, where the parking spaces are reserved for Mercs, BMWs, Range Rovers and the like.

In addition to the official people carrier, the Council has a black Mercedes saloon for the use of the Chair and the Leader of the Council. If there is a clash of appointments, protocol dictates that the Council Chair gets the chauffeur-driven Merc, and the leader has to slum it in the people carrier (along with another chauffeur, of course).

It now appears that there have been several diary clashes since Labour's Kevin Madge took over as Supreme Leader, and he has been left standing in the dust as Chair Siân Thomas, wearing her best frock and chain of office, waves sweetly from the leather-clad interior and heads off for her next appointment. Kev has been reduced to using the Ford Galaxy once again.

Observant readers will have noticed how big, black Mercs are the vehicle of choice for lots of world leaders, including Robert Mugabe, Bashar al-Assad and the ruling Communist dynasty in North Korea. The peasants may be starving, but it is important that the leader is ferried around in a vehicle commensurate with his status.

Not only is the Ford people carrier not a babe magnet, but Kev feels that it does not adequately reflect his status as Council Leader  and so has ordered a new Leader's Mercedes limo. He is currently away in the sun, but he will be pleased to hear that the new car will be waiting for him when he returns to County Hall.

If it's good enough for the leader of Carmarthenshire Council, it's good enough for me.

Cheers Kev!


Cneifiwr Clarkson