Monday, 12 January 2015

A very rare beast

Llanelli may not be fortunate enough to have its own Ukip prospective parliamentary candidate, but Carmarthen East and Dinefwr next door does. Look, here she is:



Perhaps it was just very foggy when the picture was taken, or perhaps Norma was wearing a white burkha in a snowstorm, but you will struggle to recognise Ms Woodwood in the unlikely event that she comes knocking on your door during the election campaign.

Apart from the fact that she would like to be an MP for Carmarthen East and Dinefwr, the Ukip Wales website has nothing else to say about Norma.

It turns out that Woodwood is a very unusual surname. There are plenty of Woodwards about, including several Norma Woodwards, and it seems to be a fairly popular name for women of a certain age living in the American Bible belt who like films with titles such as God is NOT dead and Heaven is for real.

There is a Norma Wood-Wood living in Waynesboro, Virginia, but she is hyphenated. And living in Waynesboro, and so probably not about to ask you to vote for her in Waungilwen.

According to Google, there is only one Norma Woodwood and one single reference to her on the internet. And that reference is to the Ukip Wales website and the prospective parliamentary candidate for Ukip in Carmarthen East and Dinefwr.

Let's assume that Norma is in her fifties. Somehow she has managed to live among us all this time without leaving any trace of her existence on the internet.

That means that she does not use social media, and probably does not have a telephone or appear on the electoral role. She is not a director of a company, is not a school governor or parish councillor. She has never written to a local newspaper or appeared in the press for any reason, good or bad.


Unless you are a Trappist monk who withdrew from the world several decades ago and have no living relatives or friends, the chances are that you will have left some sort of digital trace, even if you never use the internet.

And yet Norma has managed it. Strangely, for a recluse, she would now like to go into public life and take part in the rough and tumble of politics despite never having shown an interest in anything which might be picked up by Google.

Not even flower arranging or pornography.






5 comments:

Vaughan Williams said...

Cneifiwr - surely the white background etc has NOTHING to do with wearing white burhka in a snow-storm.

To me, worryingly, it suggests she's omnipresent, rather like God! Now there's a thought! *gulp*

As for Llanelli - the wait goes on...

Best wishes!

Emlyn Uwch Cych said...

To add to their other charms, UKIP members can't spell. I tried looking into my palantír™ for your Norma Woodwood, but to no avail. There are none ... anywhere in the world.

So, I tried some sideways thinking, see. The UKIPPEMBS page on facebook named our local candidate as Norma Woodward on 7 January.

There is a score or so women named Norma Woodward living in England, but no-one obvious in Wales, unless she's too busy cleaning behind the fridge to register to vote.

But you're right, Cneifiwr! She has left such a scant trail of breadcrumbs through the Wild Wood, we'll never find her.

Tessa said...

That's unusual, "flower arranging or pornography" in the same sentence. Unless it was from some bright young advertising agent with another concept for "Specsavers".

gaynor said...

hysterical

Anonymous said...

This is not my opinion but my friend asked me to say, "he's met her she portly, flaxen haired and 60ish. He says she'd make an excellent MP.
You'll recogniser her when she comes round to canvas, caus when she smiles you'll see the fangs...hence the blank photo....I'm surprised nobody guesses!"