A Beauty Blog

The Cwmoffit Journal

In this week's soaraway scorcher of an issue, our editor and beauty products specialist Ms Glenda Fluff tackles readers' questions on men's skincare in her Beauty Blog.

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"Dear Glenda

For years I have been applying rouge on my husband to cover up unsightly blue blotches, but recently the problem has been getting worse. What do you advise?
Mrs M, Garnant "
Well, Mrs M, your husband seems to be suffering from what we skincare specialists call "Redtoryitis". I have tried various products, sometimes with disastrous results such as the case of Mr P.H. in Neath, who turned a violent shade of orange and now has to live in a super-heated house to stop him from turning blue all over. The only effective concealer I have found is frequent applications of whitewash. A bucket a day should do the trick.

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 "Dear Glenda
I live in a castle on a hill and own a mirror which used to tell me whatever I wanted to hear in rather quaint old-fashioned language, such as "Thou art the fairest of them all", but just lately it has started making very unkind and possibly libellous remarks. I had a Mr Barrett come all the way from Cardiff to look at it, and to my horror he said that it was now working just fine, and that the mirror had obviously been on the blink when it said there was none so fair in all the land. Please help!
Yours in desperation
Mr J (FFS, KPMG, LLB)
Mirrors can be so unkind as we girls know, Mr J, and there comes a time when creams and ointments will no longer do the trick. Your best hope is to secure the services of a very expensive QC and get him to slap an enormous writ on the offending wall glass. Costs can be horrific, but judging from your address, you should be able to get the peasantry to pick up the tab. Just don't tell Mr Barrett!

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In the next issue Glenda will be solving more readers' problems, including advice to two ugly sisters in the run-up to the Christmas ball season.